Feeling really down right now as I'm writing this.

More than 4 years ago I was at a very low point in life. Lots of family and relationship problems, anger management issues and I had no direction. I felt very lost then and even suffered panic attacks. I'm really glad I've moved on from that really dark period but of late, it seems that I've been getting those feelings all over again. Not so much feelings of anxiety or panic, but just a lack of enthusiasm for life.

As you all may know, I'm getting married next month and to be honest, I'm not in a celebratory mood at all. Am I happy? I don't know. All I wanted to do was sign some papers and get on with life but everybody wants to have a say in all the proceedings so in the end the simplicity was lost. The dress I got is not right, the bridal shoes aren't right either. I'm not loving any of it. The dinner that we're having isn't my idea but to make my mom happy I'm going along with it. Had a bunch of arguments with X over this and God, it seems like no one really cares about what the bride wants. No one bothered about MY feelings and on numerous occasions I cried because it was so tough trying to please everybody.

I've been feeling really tired physically too and as a friend pointed out, it could be work-related stress that's sapping my energy. You know what? That's life. You have to work because there are bills to pay so suck it up. I complain a lot but I get my job done. However I cannot change the way I am physically affected. I'm lethargic and I have no energy for anything. The things I used to enjoy like yoga? No way. Just the thought of waking up to go for yoga class is torture. And my sex drive is next to zero. I know X hates the fact that I'm so open with all these personal stuff but whatever. This is my way of airing my grievances and just a form of release for me. Better than mutilating myself like what I used to do right? I feel sorry that I've been nasty to X because of all the negativity in me, I even suggested calling off the wedding because I'm not sure of anything right now.

I'm feeling spent. Like every ounce of zest, energy and life has been sucked out of me. Tomorrow when I wake up it will be another day of battle, another day of meaningless work. Goodnight.

Got inspired to share my own experience on Lasik after reading someone's blog.

I had my own Lasik procedure done about 6 months ago at Gleneagles and I must say that I have not once regretted my decision. I've got 6/6 vision now in both eyes, and that freedom of not wearing glasses or contact lens? Priceless.

Whilst X had a lot of tearing post-Lasik, I was very lucky not to have the same symptoms. I had packed a whole box of tissue with me expecting to use it up but I was actually kind of normal after the whole procedure was done. I remember sitting at the Delifrance cafe having a quick bite whilst waiting for X to come and pick me up and he was like 'how come you seem so normal?' and I replied 'I dunno!'.

My eyes did get extremely sensitive towards light for a prolonged period, seeing halos and all but overall I think my recovery was speedy. In fact I had my 'full' eye makeup on just after 5 days as I had to go back to work. But that was with the okay from my doctor k?

Cost-wise, Parkway Eye Centre is definitely costlier than most but it also depends on the type of Lasik you do. From what I gather, I had to do the most expensive procedure as I had extremely high myopia (1000 degrees/eye). Therefore I paid about $5000+, inclusive of 2 post-op checkups and some medication that was required. A third post-op checkup was needed (but you need to pay for that), but I skipped it LOL. But if you're the type that likes to play safe then just go for it.

For those of you who are feeling apprehensive and scared, please don't be! It is normal to feel a bit nervous because it is a surgery after all, but the risks are really minimal. I think body piercings are more risky haha. Pain-factor is almost zilch. You feel some pressure during certain parts of the process but that's all. After a few hours of rest and you'll be as good as new! Vision will be fuzzy (not completely clear) for the first few days, but it should all be good after that=).

That's about all I have to share on my own Lasik experience and I hope this information helps! It really is the best thing I did in this entire year.

Ok ending off this post with the obligatory camwhore shot and pictures of my new 'baby'!





My new Givenchy Antigona! I love love love the color and I've always liked structured bags! I know this is a similar color to my Prada, but I can't help it because I'm boring that way. I only like certain colors i.e. nude and black and I stick to them.

Gtg! Be back soon^^

24 more days to the BIG day and I've a ton of things not done. I think I might be slipping into panic mode anytime soon..

1) Shoes/ heels to match my dress not settled yet.
2) Have yet to decide if I should wear a different dress for the informal dinner in the evening.
3) Have not done a single facial/ chem peel to ensure my skin is in optimal condition on the wedding day.
4) Have yet to decide on any makeup artist/ to DIY.
5) Have yet to visit the salon to get my hair done.

It seems like a relatively short list but with less than a month to go time really is running short because every single decision takes time. I know my worries may seem frivolous especially when I proclaim not to really care, but at the end of the day I want to look good too k. It is a once-in-a-lifetime event after all. Don't wanna walk down the aisle and have X regretting his decision because I look like crap on that day LOL.

Am stuck in Riyadh right now and for the uninitiated, that's part of Saudi Arabia. I am basically bored to death and have spent the past 4 days hibernating in my hotel room. I miss my family and the comfort of Singapore so much and I feel so lucky to be born in a country where it is actually not a crime for a girl to drive or be seen in the company of any men other than her husband. Yep that's Saudi for you! Not to bad mouth their country or culture whatsoever, but sexism is prevalent over here. Our male colleagues are not even allowed to dine with us at the same table in public and as ridiculous as that sounds, we have no choice but to respect and obey their rules. *sigh* Can't wait to go home in 2 more days! *sheds tears of joy wahaha*

I miss X so much too, though I've been very angsty towards him. It's PMS la, plus the fact that I'm almost like being imprisoned in a foreign land now. I'll knowingly say very dumb things like 'are you going out with another girl now?' etc even though I know that's completely stupid but that's just me being antagonistic I guess:/ Lucky for me X is always so tolerant of my 'petty' tantrums, and he knows I'll always make it up to him after.

Gonna celebrate his bday when I'm back!!! Bringing him for lunch somewhere special and I'm quite excited. Maybe I'm excited about the food actually LOL. Whatever. I'm just looking forward to spend quality time with the bf.

Will be back with a less wordy post next time! Goodnight.

I'm back with updates!

Was down with a bad bout of food poisoning last week, and it was so bad I'd consider it the Top 10 worst experiences in my life. I vomited 10 times in 4 hours I kid you not...and even though they say you have to drink water to hydrate yourself, I couldn't even hold water down. I basically puked anything I ate/drank, even water and I was just exhausted by the time I could finally get myself to the doctor.

One tolerably painful jab later, I was home resting and even though I felt much better by the same night I don't think my appetite is fully recovered. X and I met up with Dusk and Jerilyn the next day for drinks and late dinner, and it was ironic that we had buffet when I had zero appetite LOL. But I still enjoyed myself, and it really feels good to just unwind with great friends and good food. My spirits really lifted after that night, and I think I need more of such 'chill-out' sessions to keep myself going definitely.

Crystal Jade steamboat buffet! The soup was really delicious and the best part is xiao long baos are free flow here! I'm amazed that X and Dusk probably polished off 8 baskets of the xiao long bao...and that's not X in the pic btw. Just in case you were wondering.

Wedding bells are definitely ringing and X and I are getting busy with the preparations. What was supposed to be a simple private affair is turning into a huge fiasco. Thanks to my mom who keeps adding people to the guestlist at whim and expecting the decorators and caterers to just accommodate our every request. I've been getting increasingly annoyed at first, but I figured I owe it to my parents and it's only right that I make them happy by doing what they want. Especially since my mom helped me a lot with the house-hunting and all.

Here's a preview of the cupcakes that we'll be giving as 'li bing' to our relatives:

I honestly think X looks good. Therefore I think I have to put in more effort to look good on the big day as well. Probably engaging someone to do my hair and makeup now, because now the whole thing will be a day long event now (thanks to my mom who insisted on a dinner after the solemnization). Cannot just be anyhow liao if you get what I mean.

Amidst the flurry of activities I was in London for a few days over the past week. Some random shots:



Bought X a SuperDry tee because I felt really bad for shouting at him the day I left for London. Tensions fly high during all the wedding preparations and I just do not handle stress well. I'm so sorry my love.

Had sushi when I was there, but I'm alot more cautious/ paranoid about what I eat these days after my food poisoning ordeal.

Shopping @ H&M! Bought these leopard print flats even though I know X hates anything leopard print. Finds them cougar-ish=/.

Also added some new stuff to my makeup stash.


Bought the YSL lippie at the airport, it's really moisturizing but I think the color is a little too pale on me. New Chanel blusher and lipgloss, not that I needed any but I just adore makeup! Puts me in a good mood.

Met up with Liping yesterday and bought lingerie for my wedding night. Kinda expensive but it's really pretty=) After all it's a once in a lifetime event and I want to indulge myself a little.

P/S: I feel really lucky to have found X. He's one of the good ones.

In a super down mood since last night. I HATE it when my plans get disrupted because of work. I know what a lot of you will say - that this is life. It's unfair so just suck it up. WHATEVER. Sometimes I read other people's blogs and snigger when they complain about how tough their life is, yet I'm doing exactly the same thing now...whining about how unhappy I am and how difficult my life is.:(

Hopefully I'll feel better when I'm back. I'm honestly sick of the irregular hours and not having enough rest because I'm trying to juggle so many things. The things I use to enjoy doing have become a chore including yoga. I'm usually tired and find it hard to concentrate. *sigh* I miss the carefree days. I miss freedom. I miss being able to do nothing and I guess this is the selfish brat in me talking now. K thanks bye.

Neglected this space for waayyy too long again-_-". I miss the days when I didn't have to work and I had so much energy for everything else. Now I'm always so lethargic and for what? Just to earn more $$ and pay for my house. I hate SG sometimes. Everything is so expensive and it's so hot and crowded. There are times when I thought of living on a boat and harvesting tree bark for a living. LOL.

Anyway, pictures from my short trip to Tokyo.






I always go crazy at this shop called Matsumoto-Kiyoshi when I'm there cuz their selection of beauty products is endless...you can find all sorts of brands there, from the budget friendly ones like Kate, Integrate and Majorlica to high end ones like Aube and Shiseido. Japan rocks! I was quite good this time though, only bought a few items including this EGF face mask (40 pieces in one bag wtf!) and the Dollywink eyeliner because I couldn't resist the super cute packaging. I'm such a sucker...



I bought tons of snacks...spent like about $100 just on snacks alone. Unfortunately I was feeling really tired so I ended my shopping early and went back to the hotel to rest after my tonkatsu lunch. Rice and miso soup refillable plus ice tea on the house! It was so yummy too. I'm so going back to Tokyo for a real vacation next time.


The date for my solemnization has been set and it was time for X and I to go shop for our wedding bands. Thank god I didn't leave it to the last minute cuz our rings had to be customized, my ring size is super small lol.

I'm quite happy with getting something simple. After all I don't like fuss and hassle and to me, nothing else really quite matters because you can have the most outrageous proposal at the top of Eiffel Tower, the most lavish of all wedding dinners, the fanciest wedding dress from Vera Wang or the biggest solitaire diamond ring on your finger, but it's just fluff if the two of you aren't on the same page. I've seen marriages come and go, and I went through heartbreak myself so all I want is to find someone who's willing to embrace me, flaws and all. To hell with all the bullshit about throwing a big wedding bash and wearing a fancy dress. BAH.

Met up with Crystal as well for a brief lunch whilst we chatted (or bitched) about life and random stuff. We don't always take pictures but here's one that she sent to me.

We had lunch at Kungfu Paradise and she introduced me to the french toast with peanut butter and maple syrup. The toast was good but food was disappointing. I promptly went back there the next day and tried the toast with ice-cream.

I love their french toast with ice-cream! It was soooo good. Definitely going back just to fix my craving for this.

Many good things have happened to me recently, and I'm really thankful. X came back from Munich with gifts for me.




In case you're wondering, it's a wallet in the Bottega box and that's the Chanel Reissue bag. It was really unnecessary for X to get me a new wallet because my current one is only like 6 months old which was also a gift from him. I feel so bad that X is always buying me gifts and I know that he is spoiling me. I love the bag even though it's a tad small. It goes with every single outfit I swear!

My parents bought a 'wedding' gift for me too.

The watch looks really gorgeous in real life! This pic doesn't really do it justice. I've been saying that I wanted a black/metal watch for a while now and this is just perfect.

It's almost the end of 2012 now, and this year has been good to me most the time. No major upheavals both personally and professionally, and I hope to end this year on a high and start next year with a big bang! *fingers crossed*

Before I finish, here are some obligatory camwhore shots!



Cya next time ta!

Had a very simple birthday last week. X came over and we lazed the day away cuz I  had to fly off for work that very night.

"If I could have just one birthday wish, it would be to spend more time with my loved ones."
Got this huge ass bruise during work. *sigh* Wondering how long it's gonna take for this to heal and meanwhile, I'm looking for stuff to wear that will cover it. The problem is, I hate wearing pants and jeans and maxi dresses=/.
Random camwhore picture. I think I look very young here haha!
There was a 15% discount for all purchases at the 'Warehouse' store in London, and these are regrettably my impulse buys.



Was complaining to the bf that my hair sticks out on the right side now after the haircut. It happens when my hair is sliced too thinly. The hairstylist told me to use a straightening iron but I am far too lazy for that. Hence I'm experimenting with tying my hair up.I know X likes me better with my hair up anyway!

FYI: I have BIG news. Finally set a date for our solemnization in January next year. I just wanna get the formalities over and done with and I guess I'm just very different from other brides that way. No hassle over what wedding gown to choose, what the bridesmaids should wear, which hotel to host a banquet, none of that for me thank you! It will be an extremely low-key and private affair and I guess I'm more focused on reality. Call me a wet blanket or a pessimist, but the truth is - marriage does not guarantee happiness. I am aware that X and I have had a lot of issues all along and who knows what will happen even after we say those vows? Ultimately I just want to prepare X for the reality that life will not be a walk in the park or a bed of roses. I want him to know what he's getting into.

Deep down, I guess I'm just afraid that things may not work out and that he will regret it.

*sigh*

I guess my biggest problem is MYSELF.