Decision-making time.

I can...

1) Just continue with it & be happy
2) Take the 1st step out of my comfort zone & hope for something better to come out of it
3) Remove the very element that is the direct/indirect cause of this

I know nobody will have any idea what I'm actually talking abt here but I'm just putting my thoughts into writing which helps me think better.

Now that I've reviewed what I'd written - it actually becomes clear that I can just choose to go with option 1 & if that doesn't work, I should move on to option 2 and if all else fails, option 3. It's the simpliest course of action. How logical.

Hmmm. But I dun think option 1 will work for me. Instinct tells me I should just pick option 2 & STOP procrastinating. Seriously my vice is that I think way TOO much which then leads to my procrastination. Maybe New Year's resolution no. 1 should be 'thou shall not procrastinate'?

Just sent an sms to Mr. X telling him how bummed I'm feeling & he replied 'U have money & brains & a loving Mr. X :)'

Yep. That sms made me smile.
Haven updated this blog in a damn long time. Too much time spent on doing other stuff, including my much-anticipated Sentosa 'staycation' with X.

I know a staycation sounds pretty dull but it isn't. We spent our time at the beach, or at the resort's pool, went for dinner and/or coffee at various spots within the island, took strolls hand-in-hand, or just lazed in bed. It was utter bliss=) X got sunburnt though, which is not MY fault cuz i didn't know he would burn so easily and HE himself forgot to apply the sunblock on his chest. It was kinda funny to see his 'lobster-red' chest afterward, but i know the burn is killing him la. Poor thing. I will never ask him to go get a tan anymore. I love him fair or tanned anyway=p

X had a whole week of leave & i'm really happy that we got to spend most of that time together. I used to be scared of letting 'love' take over me, hence creating this conflict within myself because i constantly felt the need to be 'in control'. But I've learned that 'power' & 'love' are 2 opposing forces - i need to relinquish one to gain the other. So i learnt & it's great because once i come to embrace my feelings for X completely & not worry obsessively abt 'losing control' or trying my darndest to control everything, that conflict disappears & i can finally relax. I dun have this chip on my shoulder anymore. On hindsight, i've wasted alot of time being difficult, finding fault with X & the relationship & just plain complicating things. It was just stupid but at the very least I haven't lost. I gained instead.

As part of the 'new & improved' me, I've also started taking yoga together with my mom & sister. We had our second session today & it was a total body workout. You can really feel the stretch in your muscles, the blood circulation in your body, and after that you feel really sore & tired but i'm loving it! Yoga doesn't just strengthens the body, it strengthens the mind. I'm starting to feel more 'zen' already! Somehow I find myself less agitated and annoyed at the small things that used to bother me.

For those who sneer at this & think its all 'psychological', go try it for yourself. I used to jog and skip regularly but i can guarantee that yoga is as much of a workout as any activity, and even more.
My birthday came & went just like any other day, & I like not making a fuss out of things anyway. The only difference was the bombardment of sms-es from friends with their wishes & it's nice to know I'm remembered.

X spent the day with me just doing regular things - we caught 2 movies, '500 Days of Summer' followed by 'Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs' & both were pretty good. I'd give both a 3 and a half stars! 'Cloudy' was my 1st 3D movie too - but I kinda got dizzy from the effects afterward. I'm so not paying extra for a 3D movie next time cuz I didn't really feel that the effects were that fantastic.

On the other hand I really enjoyed '500 Days of Summer'. It was sweet, funny, sad, somewhat philosophical all at the same time. Although the one part I didn't like was the ending cuz I'm a sucker for typical 'happy endings' but I acknowledge that ending was essential in order to bring across the message behind the movie.

I think I learnt that things are nvr really within our control no matter how much we try cuz the only constant is change. Too many variables, known or unknown, comes into play and there isn't any way of predicting outcomes. I think I made that mistake of trying to control what I couldn't by trying too hard. Whilst summer may be great, there is beauty in autumn too. We just need to see by opening our eyes.

Enough of my rambling...just go watch the movie. It's really great.

X & I are going for a short 'staycation' at Sentosa next week^^ I'm really looking forward to it cuz we have not had quality time together since our HUGE fight that almost took him away from me. Now I just want to enjoy the moment - be it holding his hand, lazing on the bed, or soaking up the sun on the beach.

I just realised that I actually sound mushy in my last paragraph. HAHA!

I can't help it...I love the guy & he loves me too=p