It's new year's eve & whilst majority are out in celebration to welcome a new year ahead, I'm sitting in front of my computer quietly contemplating this 2009 which has frankly been quite a treacherous year.

I won't mention any of the unhappiness I went through here but in 2010 I have only one wish - to put those difficulties behind me & just be a better me. I know I've caused alot of worry, pain & grief to those who love me for which I'm ashamed. A lot of blame & accusations have came from me, & I never looked inside myself to find the actual problem that lay within my own heart. A heart that's filled with darkness, stained with pessimism, fear, worry, regret & uncertainty. It is in 2009 that I realised I'm not as strong as I thought I could be, that my fear of loss, loss of control could actually cripple me.

I confronted my fears in 2009, & the greatest challenge in 2010 is to conquer them.

As I calculate all my missteps of the year about to be past, I also realise the one thing that I did get right - Mr. X. Amidst the 'drama' of it all, I'm just so thankful that he's still here.


'There's nothing I could say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me
All the pain the tears they cry
Still you never said goodbye and now I know how far you'd go
I know I let you down but its not like that now
This time I'll never let you go

I will be all that you want and get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make everything ok

I thought that I had everything I didn't know what life could bring
But now I see honestly
You're the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe cause you're here with me
And if I let you down I'll turn it all around
Cause I would never let you go

I will be all that you want and get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make everything ok

Cause without you I can't sleep
I'm not gonna ever ever let you leave
You're all I got
You're all I want
And without you I don't know what I'll do
I could never ever live a day without you
Here with me do you see, you're all I need

And I will be all that you want and get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life I will be with you forever
To get you through the day and make every thing ok'
Just saw this Canon commercial on TV yesterday, featuring the ABSOLUTELY lovely Avril Lavigne!



She just looks damn fabulous!

In case you didn't know, the song is 'Innocence' & here are the lyrics:

Waking up I see that everything is ok
The first time in my life and now it's so great
Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed
I think about the little things that make life great
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

This innocence is brilliant
I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect
Please don't go away
I need you now
And I'll hold on to it
Don't you let it pass you by

I found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life and now it's so clear
Feel calm, I belong, I'm so happy here
It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

This innocence is brilliant, It Makes you want to cry
This innocence is brilliance Please don't go away
Cause I need you now
And I'll hold on to it, Don't you let it pass you by
It's a Beauty Talk package consisting of the OxyMask, OxySolution Mousse & OxyAqua gel moisturiser plus a lot of sample size products from their new GHK-Cu range. The purple box on the left is the GHK-cu eye gel and the extreme right box is a whitening mud mask, all recommended by 'Nu ren wo zui da'. I admit that I'm quite the facial care junkie but the entire stash which amounted to over 300 bucks was too much for me & absurd as it may sound, I got pretty angry with X for spending his money on me cuz I'm simply the type of girl who prefers to be self-sufficient by earning & spending her own keep. Any gift above $50 to me is too extravagant & I know its sounds mercenary to talk about monetary value when its a present but I somehow feel like its a breach of my principles=/

To assuage the imbalance I'm feeling right now, I think I better go hunt for an appropriate gift for X too.

The cakes looked really yummy!:

I have to say the cakes taste better than their drinks though, cuz I'm sorely disappointed with my Ice Mocha. It had barely a hint of mocha flavor in it & was overall rather bland. I'd still like to try their ice-blends next time anyway=)

Time to shop for last minute presents for my parents & X. I already got my sis a wallet which she's already using but I'm really stumped about what to get for my dad & X.

*sigh* I hope I get some inspiration soon.

You have no idea who much it hurts whenever you tell me the answer is NO.

I can literally feel my heart sinking to my stomach. I try to hold back my tears and tell myself that it's ok & I can wait but I dunno how long I can carry on pretending.

Or maybe it's time to stop pretending.

How I wish I were the girl, the normal type of girl, who can make you say 'yes'.