Had such a terrible day.

I'd come home from work really upset and I'd thought that telling X about it would provide me some relief. WRONG move. Talking to X only exacerbated the situation.

I know that X wants a confident woman who can take on the world and everything else that comes along in stride. Someone who probably wouldn't call him sobbing over the phone bitching incoherently about someone who had bullied her at work.

Maybe to him, that's the sort of weakness that he despises. It's probably deemed as an inconvenience he doesn't like dealing with. So perhaps his response was justified. He simply asked me 'Is that all?' after I had spent 5 mins crying to him. And at that moment I knew. I knew he'd never care the way he promised he would when we weren't together yet. So I hung up on him and cried some more. In fact I think I cried the entire day. I cried myself to sleep, and a few hours later I woke up feeling this emptiness in me. With all this crying I ended up with a headache, swollen eyes and just a really spaced-out feeling. And for what? When he probably spent the past 12 hours without thinking of me at all.

X is a good man. He really is. He stuck by me through a really dark period of time, even when I was at my worst. He's also really generous, always buying my gifts and paying the tab. He can be sweet, and he's smart, attractive and on his way to success in life. Like my friends said, 'he's one of the best guys I've ever met.' So I guess this means that I'm just not good enough for him.

I know that X will do very well without me in his life because I don't make a difference. So do I hang on because I love him so much or do I go because I should be smart enough to know when I'm not needed?


"Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye my love.
I can't hide, can't hide, can't hide what has come.
I have to go, I have to go, I have to go & leave you alone.
But always know, always know, always know...
that I love you so.
I love you so."

I must say that Avril's latest album is really great and I'm sorry to have missed her recent concert here, cuz there are so many great songs which I would have loved to hear her perform! Oh well, there will be a next time I guess.
Meanwhile enjoy this song, it's called 'Not Enough'.