I feel so alone and I'm so tired. Why can't I see the light in front of the tunnel & where is that hand that was gonna lead me through this darkness?

There have been many moments of self-doubt and sometimes I feel like the pieces of the puzzle just can't fit. Perhaps that hand that was supposed to hold on to me has given up already.

Maybe it's time for me to give up as well.


"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
I think I gotta start watching my diet with all the pigging out that I do. Recently checked out 2 restaurants that were reviewed in 8 Days. Here are the pictures:

-Charly T's. I don't really think Charly T is a real person though. Located next to The Cathay cinema, the place is kinda quiet but looks abit 'atas'. I shared the whole chicken with X and was amazed that he ate more than 2 thirds of it. The chicken is tender and juicy, it really melts off the bone so it saves you the trouble of cutting through it too vigorously. As for their sides, I liked the butter garlic rice and the mac-&-cheese. *Yum*



-Ramen Santouka @ Central. This place was rated no.1 for their ramen in this week's 8 days so I had to give it a try! The Tokusen Toroniku Shio Ramen (second pic)comes with 'pork cheek' meat that's really soft but to me it was kinda pricey @ $19.50. Their noodles are pretty good, but I also recommend Miharu @ Gallery Hotel, which was ranked 3rd by 8 Days.

Ippudo Ramen has also been getting rave reviews & I've tried their pre-packaged noodles from Japan which X bought for me. What I got from cooking at home was quite tasty so I'm itching to try the ramen at their restaurant here in Mandarin Gallery. But word of the long queues has put me off for the time being. So I prefer to wait til the hype settles.









The need for space for me has been a rising issue these days. Various problems in different forms, big or small, have been cropping up and growing up now, it seems like my mental state of mind is no longer able to turn a blind eye to things that I may have previously chosen to ignore because I thought I had no choice but to do so.

But now that I'm older but perhaps none the wiser to some, I'm beginning to ponder ways of possible escape. Some people may think that avoidance doesn't solve anything, but the way I see it - having some physical distance is better than being stifled.

I grew up in an environment that was filled with uncertainty, negativity, fear and like any other kid I thought that was a normal environment. Someone used the word 'abusive' to describe my childhood years & I vehemently disagreed. But a recent incident has made me realize that I might need to re-evaluate my opinion. That perhaps physical violence is indeed a form of abuse, no matter what the trigger was or how frequent OR infrequent it may be.

It's an uphill struggle for me to control my emotions, and specifically my anger cuz I remember watching by example from a tender age that when you're angry it's normal to scream and yell, it's normal to smash things and use force. Hell it was the only way I knew how to vent my anger and I learnt by imitating since I was a kid.

It's only in recent years that I'd finally recognize my bad temper as a problem & decided that I WANT TO CHANGE. But changing a behavioral pattern that you've cultivated for 20 over years with the help of nature & nurture is like a drug addict trying to go cold turkey. It's damn difficult but I still want to do it for myself, for who I love and also because I don't want to be anything like that destructive force that dominated my whole life since young.

I AM NOT YOU.
I've just gotten one of my dreams come true...which is to have an expresso machine of my own! Technically speaking it's not really mine, cuz X bought it for himself but he decided to put it at my place since I love coffee too. 'Anyway I can always pop by to have a cup of coffee,' he said. So despite my protests, the Nespresso machine which he bought in London now sits on a table inside my kitchen~


Although setting it up was a tad more troublesome than I thought (cuz u have to filter/clean the machine with water first n stuff), I'm loving it...hahaha. No more running down to McCafe for my caffeine fix. X & I had some fun experimenting a few different brews on the machine as well.


Can I just brag that X is simply the best? Not because he showers me with gifts or wine & dines me but because he shows his affection and love in the most implicit ways I'd previously neglected to see.


There are times when I get difficult & accuse him of not understanding me when I'm the one who made myself hard to understand.


X knows me almost inside out. Give him the menu at a restuarant & he can pick out the dishes I'll like to order. Go into a boutique/online blogshop & he can tell which outfit I like. Sometimes I tell him I feel he's emotionally distant cuz he's not a vocal person (i.e. not a big fan of 'communication') but the fact that he takes note of all these details about me shows exactly how much he cares. I haven't been fair at all, have I? Yet I always say action speaks louder than words when I've been placing so much importance on the verbal part.


I've got some soul-searching to do.
I'm so glad that the year-end hols r finally coming to an end. Students will go back to school, people will resume work and the streets will finally be less crowded. I was at Orchard for a movie on New Year's eve & I cannot believe the crowds as I was walking to Somerset MRT station. The new 313@Somerset mall was packing in the crowds & for the record I couldn't find the MRT station initially cuz I had no idea you had to enter the mall to get there. *rolls eyes*

I think we have no lack of shopping malls in Singapore so another shopping centre is like SO unnecessary but I did spy some interesting shops on my way to the MRT so I'll probably check the place out on a weekday where there will be some semblance of normalcy instead of those maddening crowds where u might get elbowed, or have ur foot run over by a pram.

Speaking of the MRT, my sis & I had a most unpleasant experience with a disgruntled uncle who was pissed by the fact that my sis was occupying the 'priority seat'. To our defence, I saw NOBODY, pregnant or elderly, who seemed in need of the damn seat & even if there was someone whom I might have missed, all he had to do was politely make a request for us to give up the seat. No need for those dirty looks he kept shooting at us, all the time shaking his head and muttering to himself.

I was busy chatting was my sis throughout the journey from Tampines to Bugis so I was not aware of the situation until my sis alerted me at Lavender. So I looked at him and sure enough he was glaring at us.I stood my ground by staring back at him in the eyes & demanded to know what his effing problem was & then told him to mind his own business. I told him 'If u want to sit just say la!' and he was like 'It's not me ok. You should give the seat to the lady in front of you.'

Ya right. I believe a person of my intelligence can easily discern who should need a seat & the lady he was referring to was definitely not in my 'elderly' category. So sue me if you're not happy that I'm taking up the 'priority seat'. I have no qualms giving up my seat to those in need & have done so many times, so I dun appreciate this sort of unwanted judgment. Go f**king take a cab if you have so many complaints and I say, To hell with people who have this sense of entitlement. What was he trying to prove anyway? That he's a civic & social-minded person with a sense of consideration for others? Then I repeat myself: All he had to do, was ASK NICELY.

I rest my case & I make no apologies for my behavior.