Just a quick update before I go to bed.

Went to town on my own to pick up some stuff that I sent for alteration today, and even though I usually enjoy being alone...today I didn't. I kept wishing that X was around cuz somehow I miss him even though I'd just spent Saturday with him. I miss holding his hand, I miss the smell of his neck and I miss our 'coffee and chit-chat' routine.

We rushed to catch 'Rise of the Planet of the Apes' at Kallang Leisure Park on Saturday and thankfully the movie just started when we entered the theater. One thing X and I both hate - missing the start of a movie and luckily we didn't. The movie was great, it was unexpectedly sad for me and I cried quite a bit during the movie but you just have to watch it yourself to understand. The movie theme also dealt with ethics of animal testing and also its potential for disaster when humans try to play God. I'd never watched any of the old 'Planet of the Apes' movies but I was glad I caught this one.

X is gonna drop by tomorrow before I leave for work and I'm really looking forward to seeing him, even if it's just for a few hours. Time to get some beauty sleep before he comes over tomorrow morning! Goodnite=)



I know I've really been neglecting my blog and try as I might, sometimes I'm just either too tired or lazy or busy to do it. My apologies!

Managed to catch up with Liping several times, including today and couple of times last month and I must say that with my irregular schedule, it's amazing that we keep this friendship going. I'm so glad that I have her! Also met up with Alex about 2 weeks ago, and he treated me to this fabulous lunch at a really great place called 'Stellar' which was somewhere @ Raffles Place. Can't remember the exact location...but it was on the 62nd floor, so there was this awesome view of MBS if you get a table by the window (which we did) and the food was none the less amazing too!

Pictures to prove it:
The appetizer was delicious, melt in your mouth foie gras. I know it's cruel the way they produce foie gras...but I really couldn't resist it.
My dessert! Too pretty to eat right? But I did anyway. heh. The Tahitian ice-cream was SOoooOOo good. *yums*

If you notice I didn't include a picture of my main course cuz I ate it before I remembered to take a picture haha!

Time was tight with X again...what's new? But we made the most of what we had, catching all the movies we wanted to watch and just enjoying each other's company=)X really hates taking pictures and the few photos that I have of him were either taken secretly, or he's usually taken by surprise when I go 'SNAP!'. I know I won't make very good paparazzi cuz I always giggle very loudly after taking his pictures and then X will demand to see the photos, after which he makes me delete them=/ This I got to keep though=)

Our coffees @ Oriole cafe! I told X the coffee was too pretty to drink, so he promptly took the spoon and destroyed the design on the foam. I highly recommend the affogato from this place, which comes with really yummy honeycomb chocolate bits.

One of the things I love about my relationship with X is that we still sit down and linger over a cup of coffee all the time, chatting about random stuff just like a pair of old friends and this I believe is something that keeps the relationship alive - because we talk. Although sometimes we argue, we still talk. And that's way better than not bothering to argue or talk right? We've done this coffee and chit-chat routine almost every time we meet for 4 years now and I still love it. Even when we're not talking and he's playing on his iphone and I'm reading a magazine over coffee, I would plant occasional kisses on his cheek or I would reach over and squeeze his hand. Moments like this, I will never forget=)

Think that's enough of my mushy BS...til the next time!





Gonna be free on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday since X will be away (as usual), and I won't be seeing him all the way til one week later. I used to HATE it whenever this happens to the point where I'll even get kinda 'emo' but throughout the years I guess I've gotten more or less used to it.

It's not so much as being independent because I am definitely not a 'clingy' type female who needs to be with the bf 24/7. God forbid, but there are times when seeing X on an average of 4 times a month doesn't feel like enough. I've told other people who are kinda perturbed that I actually don't make demands for more time together, but the truth is I knew what I was in for when I wanted to be with X so who am I to begrudge him right? I know he makes up for it in his way by showering me with gifts, though what I really want is just for him to be more sensitive towards my emotional well-being. But him being him, logic comes first and he tends to suffer the 'foot-in-mouth' syndrome and unwittingly hurts my feelings.

Anyway what I'm really trying to say is that I've forgiven him for the last boo-boo in my previous entry. I can't really stay mad at him for long and I know it's the same for him so try as I might, we can't stay away from each other. We just spent 5 days of leave together and 2 days of it was on a staycation at our very own Sentosa Island! We did nothing special but I didn't mind it one bit because I enjoyed every moment just lazing around with him, or holding his hand strolling down the beach. To me, that's utter bliss.

I guess I just have to remember this blissful feeling whenever I feel down that X ain't by my side and for the zillionth time, I will try to remain positive...til I get to see X again!
Had such a terrible day.

I'd come home from work really upset and I'd thought that telling X about it would provide me some relief. WRONG move. Talking to X only exacerbated the situation.

I know that X wants a confident woman who can take on the world and everything else that comes along in stride. Someone who probably wouldn't call him sobbing over the phone bitching incoherently about someone who had bullied her at work.

Maybe to him, that's the sort of weakness that he despises. It's probably deemed as an inconvenience he doesn't like dealing with. So perhaps his response was justified. He simply asked me 'Is that all?' after I had spent 5 mins crying to him. And at that moment I knew. I knew he'd never care the way he promised he would when we weren't together yet. So I hung up on him and cried some more. In fact I think I cried the entire day. I cried myself to sleep, and a few hours later I woke up feeling this emptiness in me. With all this crying I ended up with a headache, swollen eyes and just a really spaced-out feeling. And for what? When he probably spent the past 12 hours without thinking of me at all.

X is a good man. He really is. He stuck by me through a really dark period of time, even when I was at my worst. He's also really generous, always buying my gifts and paying the tab. He can be sweet, and he's smart, attractive and on his way to success in life. Like my friends said, 'he's one of the best guys I've ever met.' So I guess this means that I'm just not good enough for him.

I know that X will do very well without me in his life because I don't make a difference. So do I hang on because I love him so much or do I go because I should be smart enough to know when I'm not needed?


"Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye my love.
I can't hide, can't hide, can't hide what has come.
I have to go, I have to go, I have to go & leave you alone.
But always know, always know, always know...
that I love you so.
I love you so."

I must say that Avril's latest album is really great and I'm sorry to have missed her recent concert here, cuz there are so many great songs which I would have loved to hear her perform! Oh well, there will be a next time I guess.
Meanwhile enjoy this song, it's called 'Not Enough'.
Didn't feel very good today because I felt reaaalllly tired so I was extremely temperamental towards X when I met him. The truth is, I know I wouldn't be seeing him for quite awhile again and the pang of separation had hit me even before it had actually happened=(

Yet seeing all these pictures from our holiday together in March kinda lifted my spirits because whilst the holiday hadn't really been all that smooth-sailing, I still cherish our moments together...which seems to be getting rarer and rarer. *sighs*

I only wish for more time with X, because as someone pointed out to me, meeting each other on an average of 4 times a month isn't very healthy for our relationship. I agree. In fact, it's DETRIMENTAL. But instead of bitching about it all the time, I've decided to be a little more proactive in doing something about it.

Here are the pictures that made me smile, and also reminded me of how much I love X and how lucky we are to have each other=)





















And I just found another song I love. It's for you, X.


You're the sweet dreams that soothe me
when I can't fall asleep.
You're the field
in the middle of the city.
When I'm rushing by
at the speed of light.

You're the strong resolution
when I find no peace.
You're the church bells ringing
in the evening.
When all is quiet,
You whisper comfort
lifts my heart.
I get so weak.

Ohhh.... You're lovely, lovely
You're the center of my universe."
Dedicating this song to X =)



It's from Avril's latest album and this song is 'I love you'. Yeah kinda cheesy I know, but I like the lyrics...

"I'm not sure you know
That the reason I love you is you
Being you
Just you
Yeah the reason I love you is all that we've been through
And that's why I love you."