Got back from Amsterdam yesterday & even though it's already almost 4am right now, I can't sleep. Jet lag? Maybe. All I know is I couldn't sleep til 5am yesterday and I slept like 15 hours after that. I just pray my body clock gets back to normal soon.

My verdict on Amsterdam is that it's a really beautiful place and I had more fun than I thought I would, but that was also probably due to the great company I had over there. We explored the infamous red-light district of Amsterdam on the first night, checking out the hookers in the windows, and went for drinks and watched a 'live porno sex show' after that.

As expected when I told my mom about the so-called 'sex show' she was suitably aghast as any good parent would be, but mostly because she didn't want the guys around me to think that I was 'easy' just because I went to check out the sex show. Bah! I understand my mom's concerns but honestly I think it was all in good fun & anyway it was a waste of my money. 30 euros to be exact, and the show was kind of a letdown.

I'll let the pictures do the talking now...but sorry to disappoint! There aren't any pictures of the sex show k, not that I would post them even if there were-_-''
Maintaining a blog can be quite difficult at times when you're busy with work/life in general & I must say I'm guilty of not updating as often as I should be.

I've not even uploaded photos of my Dubai-Cairo trip from last month! -_-"

But I guess I'm just plain lazy these days & my camwhoring days are kinda behind me now that I'm a 'semi-retired model'. I'm loving my new camera but there are some days when I can't even be bothered to whip it out to take photos...which I should because I've been visiting some really fantastic places.

Alright. I hereby resolve to utilize my camera especially since I paid for it outta my own pocket.

I've had 3 long off-days ALONE since X wasn't around & it really SUCKS. I'm not even gonna pretend that I'm cool with not seeing him because I didn't expect to sign up for meeting my bf like only 7 days in a month. It's kinda pathetic ain't it? I cherish our time together and I try not to get all 'emo' but it is frustrating, more for me than him. So that's why I act like a petulant kid and then X has to cajole me haha.

So with all that time on my hands I went down to the bank to get my POSB ATM card changed to the 'Go!' card so it's bye bye to that super old-school silver one that I've had since I was 16. Not that there were any issues with the old card, just that my mom thought I should have one that can withdraw cash from overseas ATMs since I'm traveling alot these days. I'm also converting my UOB credit card to an ATM card as well, since POSB ATMs always have long queues. Plus my dad is giving me his Citibank card as well, so I will have a total of 3 cards!

To everyone out there who believes in credit cards - CASH IS KING! Wait til you go to a country that doesn't accept credit cards widely & you'll get what I mean. Then it gets annoying cuz you can't shop to your heart's content.

Ending my rambling here & just one last thing before I go - 'X, you're missed! Come back quick k.'
Even when I was a kid, I never apologized for something that I felt wasn't my fault because I believe there's no point in saying sorry when you're obviously not.

When I was about 13 years old, I got into a fight with a cousin and I broke her spectacles. I distinctly remember how angry my dad was & he demanded that I apologize to her. My response? 'I'm not sorry, & I'll still hit her if the same thing were to happen,' I told my dad. My defiance got me a sound thrashing from my father but up til this day, I maintain that same belief that one should never apologize if you don't believe that you are wrong.

I know I'm stubborn & so are you. But don't say sorry for the sake of saying sorry and don't make it sound like you're doing me a favor when you apologize.

It's adding insult to the injury.
I know I said I'll update my blog in detail complete with photos of my Dubai-Cairo trip but when I came home on Friday with X after our chalet 'staycation', he decided to stay around at my place longer cuz we both know we wouldn't be seeing each other for at least another week after that. So wrapped up in utter bliss, we lazed on my bed and slept in til lunch time & yes, I know all of a sudden I'm letting on alot about my personal life than I normally do but I just miss X so damn much that just writing about him and us kinda takes away the pang of separation just a lil' bit.

I normally come across as a tough straight-talking person and that's fairly accurate. I even described myself as a 'porcupine' once and reason being? 'I can be rather prickly', I said. But having been through quite a dark period together with X, that prickliness has softened somewhat. I have let X see the vulnerability in me and I'm still struggling to get past that sense of shame I feel for being 'imperfect'. I know it sounds crazy because who the hell is perfect in this world? But somehow I want to be perfect for X and real or imagined, I often feel as though I'm not good enough for him. My self-esteem basically, is in the toilet.

It's been a rough rocky road for me and X and sometimes, the things I hear from others do make me feel a little worried and uneasy about our relationship because we're away from each other so much. But trust is something I'm really working on and I want to believe my choice is right. I want to believe that true love does exist even though I've been put through hell for that. I've seen alot of failed cases and I've even been one of those statistics but still, I want to believe. Call me an idiot but I'm no longer as jaded or cynical as I thought I was.

I'm playing a game of high stakes and I've put my heart on the betting table. I just hope it doesn't get broken like it did before.

"I miss you SO much, X."
Just came back from Dubai-Cairo this morning & it was just in time to celebrate my dad's bday! We had dinner @ TungLok and though I didn't eat as much as I thought I would, I sure miss local food.

Pictures & a more detailed update coming up after I'm back from my little staycation with Mr. X=p

"This moment is perfect , please don't go away."

I've been getting all these spam on my tagboard...can someone make it all go away?!!
I finally got a new camera since fixing my old one would have cost me $180 and after some pondering I decided on the IXUS 300HS. I'm not a photography enthusiast or anything, but I'm pretty happy with the quality of this compact camera!


I'm suffering from Mr. X-withdrawal symptoms...*sigh*

I dun mean to sound incredibly whiny or god forbid,'sticky'. I usually dun wear my heart on my sleeve but he's been away for like a week.

I go through the motions of work and eat and sleep as per normal but I kinda just stop at intervals unknowingly thinking of him & wondering if he's thinking about me too~

Can't wait for him to be back and to see him on Friday!