Even when I was a kid, I never apologized for something that I felt wasn't my fault because I believe there's no point in saying sorry when you're obviously not.

When I was about 13 years old, I got into a fight with a cousin and I broke her spectacles. I distinctly remember how angry my dad was & he demanded that I apologize to her. My response? 'I'm not sorry, & I'll still hit her if the same thing were to happen,' I told my dad. My defiance got me a sound thrashing from my father but up til this day, I maintain that same belief that one should never apologize if you don't believe that you are wrong.

I know I'm stubborn & so are you. But don't say sorry for the sake of saying sorry and don't make it sound like you're doing me a favor when you apologize.

It's adding insult to the injury.
I know I said I'll update my blog in detail complete with photos of my Dubai-Cairo trip but when I came home on Friday with X after our chalet 'staycation', he decided to stay around at my place longer cuz we both know we wouldn't be seeing each other for at least another week after that. So wrapped up in utter bliss, we lazed on my bed and slept in til lunch time & yes, I know all of a sudden I'm letting on alot about my personal life than I normally do but I just miss X so damn much that just writing about him and us kinda takes away the pang of separation just a lil' bit.

I normally come across as a tough straight-talking person and that's fairly accurate. I even described myself as a 'porcupine' once and reason being? 'I can be rather prickly', I said. But having been through quite a dark period together with X, that prickliness has softened somewhat. I have let X see the vulnerability in me and I'm still struggling to get past that sense of shame I feel for being 'imperfect'. I know it sounds crazy because who the hell is perfect in this world? But somehow I want to be perfect for X and real or imagined, I often feel as though I'm not good enough for him. My self-esteem basically, is in the toilet.

It's been a rough rocky road for me and X and sometimes, the things I hear from others do make me feel a little worried and uneasy about our relationship because we're away from each other so much. But trust is something I'm really working on and I want to believe my choice is right. I want to believe that true love does exist even though I've been put through hell for that. I've seen alot of failed cases and I've even been one of those statistics but still, I want to believe. Call me an idiot but I'm no longer as jaded or cynical as I thought I was.

I'm playing a game of high stakes and I've put my heart on the betting table. I just hope it doesn't get broken like it did before.

"I miss you SO much, X."
Just came back from Dubai-Cairo this morning & it was just in time to celebrate my dad's bday! We had dinner @ TungLok and though I didn't eat as much as I thought I would, I sure miss local food.

Pictures & a more detailed update coming up after I'm back from my little staycation with Mr. X=p

"This moment is perfect , please don't go away."

I've been getting all these spam on my tagboard...can someone make it all go away?!!
I finally got a new camera since fixing my old one would have cost me $180 and after some pondering I decided on the IXUS 300HS. I'm not a photography enthusiast or anything, but I'm pretty happy with the quality of this compact camera!


I'm suffering from Mr. X-withdrawal symptoms...*sigh*

I dun mean to sound incredibly whiny or god forbid,'sticky'. I usually dun wear my heart on my sleeve but he's been away for like a week.

I go through the motions of work and eat and sleep as per normal but I kinda just stop at intervals unknowingly thinking of him & wondering if he's thinking about me too~

Can't wait for him to be back and to see him on Friday!



I consider myself a rather private person because even though I do blog, I usually refrain from writing about anything too personal or even if I do, I keep things ambiguous.

But there are certain things which I'll like to admit because right now, I'm simply too tired, too disillusioned to care.

Ever felt that no matter how much effort you put in, nobody seems to see it because as long as you make a mistake, no matter how small, you get faulted?

I get a sense of condemnation when that happens, and once or twice I can accept it, but when it happens ALL the time, I just can't turn the other cheek anymore. Tell me why, why should I continue trying when the person whom I care about the most doesn't care, doesn't see me anymore? All that person sees is a broken image of me, one that can never be mended again cuz the cracks will forever show.

Silly me. Day in day out, I keep trying to seal those cracks with my love and tears, hoping that somehow I could mask those cracks and become a little more perfect in his eyes again, stubbornly refusing that my efforts are in vain. But maybe it's time for a reality check.

Maybe everything is just but my wishful thinking.