I've just gotten one of my dreams come true...which is to have an expresso machine of my own! Technically speaking it's not really mine, cuz X bought it for himself but he decided to put it at my place since I love coffee too. 'Anyway I can always pop by to have a cup of coffee,' he said. So despite my protests, the Nespresso machine which he bought in London now sits on a table inside my kitchen~


Although setting it up was a tad more troublesome than I thought (cuz u have to filter/clean the machine with water first n stuff), I'm loving it...hahaha. No more running down to McCafe for my caffeine fix. X & I had some fun experimenting a few different brews on the machine as well.


Can I just brag that X is simply the best? Not because he showers me with gifts or wine & dines me but because he shows his affection and love in the most implicit ways I'd previously neglected to see.


There are times when I get difficult & accuse him of not understanding me when I'm the one who made myself hard to understand.


X knows me almost inside out. Give him the menu at a restuarant & he can pick out the dishes I'll like to order. Go into a boutique/online blogshop & he can tell which outfit I like. Sometimes I tell him I feel he's emotionally distant cuz he's not a vocal person (i.e. not a big fan of 'communication') but the fact that he takes note of all these details about me shows exactly how much he cares. I haven't been fair at all, have I? Yet I always say action speaks louder than words when I've been placing so much importance on the verbal part.


I've got some soul-searching to do.
I'm so glad that the year-end hols r finally coming to an end. Students will go back to school, people will resume work and the streets will finally be less crowded. I was at Orchard for a movie on New Year's eve & I cannot believe the crowds as I was walking to Somerset MRT station. The new 313@Somerset mall was packing in the crowds & for the record I couldn't find the MRT station initially cuz I had no idea you had to enter the mall to get there. *rolls eyes*

I think we have no lack of shopping malls in Singapore so another shopping centre is like SO unnecessary but I did spy some interesting shops on my way to the MRT so I'll probably check the place out on a weekday where there will be some semblance of normalcy instead of those maddening crowds where u might get elbowed, or have ur foot run over by a pram.

Speaking of the MRT, my sis & I had a most unpleasant experience with a disgruntled uncle who was pissed by the fact that my sis was occupying the 'priority seat'. To our defence, I saw NOBODY, pregnant or elderly, who seemed in need of the damn seat & even if there was someone whom I might have missed, all he had to do was politely make a request for us to give up the seat. No need for those dirty looks he kept shooting at us, all the time shaking his head and muttering to himself.

I was busy chatting was my sis throughout the journey from Tampines to Bugis so I was not aware of the situation until my sis alerted me at Lavender. So I looked at him and sure enough he was glaring at us.I stood my ground by staring back at him in the eyes & demanded to know what his effing problem was & then told him to mind his own business. I told him 'If u want to sit just say la!' and he was like 'It's not me ok. You should give the seat to the lady in front of you.'

Ya right. I believe a person of my intelligence can easily discern who should need a seat & the lady he was referring to was definitely not in my 'elderly' category. So sue me if you're not happy that I'm taking up the 'priority seat'. I have no qualms giving up my seat to those in need & have done so many times, so I dun appreciate this sort of unwanted judgment. Go f**king take a cab if you have so many complaints and I say, To hell with people who have this sense of entitlement. What was he trying to prove anyway? That he's a civic & social-minded person with a sense of consideration for others? Then I repeat myself: All he had to do, was ASK NICELY.

I rest my case & I make no apologies for my behavior.
It's new year's eve & whilst majority are out in celebration to welcome a new year ahead, I'm sitting in front of my computer quietly contemplating this 2009 which has frankly been quite a treacherous year.

I won't mention any of the unhappiness I went through here but in 2010 I have only one wish - to put those difficulties behind me & just be a better me. I know I've caused alot of worry, pain & grief to those who love me for which I'm ashamed. A lot of blame & accusations have came from me, & I never looked inside myself to find the actual problem that lay within my own heart. A heart that's filled with darkness, stained with pessimism, fear, worry, regret & uncertainty. It is in 2009 that I realised I'm not as strong as I thought I could be, that my fear of loss, loss of control could actually cripple me.

I confronted my fears in 2009, & the greatest challenge in 2010 is to conquer them.

As I calculate all my missteps of the year about to be past, I also realise the one thing that I did get right - Mr. X. Amidst the 'drama' of it all, I'm just so thankful that he's still here.


'There's nothing I could say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me
All the pain the tears they cry
Still you never said goodbye and now I know how far you'd go
I know I let you down but its not like that now
This time I'll never let you go

I will be all that you want and get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make everything ok

I thought that I had everything I didn't know what life could bring
But now I see honestly
You're the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe cause you're here with me
And if I let you down I'll turn it all around
Cause I would never let you go

I will be all that you want and get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make everything ok

Cause without you I can't sleep
I'm not gonna ever ever let you leave
You're all I got
You're all I want
And without you I don't know what I'll do
I could never ever live a day without you
Here with me do you see, you're all I need

And I will be all that you want and get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life I will be with you forever
To get you through the day and make every thing ok'
Just saw this Canon commercial on TV yesterday, featuring the ABSOLUTELY lovely Avril Lavigne!



She just looks damn fabulous!

In case you didn't know, the song is 'Innocence' & here are the lyrics:

Waking up I see that everything is ok
The first time in my life and now it's so great
Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed
I think about the little things that make life great
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

This innocence is brilliant
I hope that it will stay
This moment is perfect
Please don't go away
I need you now
And I'll hold on to it
Don't you let it pass you by

I found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life and now it's so clear
Feel calm, I belong, I'm so happy here
It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

This innocence is brilliant, It Makes you want to cry
This innocence is brilliance Please don't go away
Cause I need you now
And I'll hold on to it, Don't you let it pass you by
It's a Beauty Talk package consisting of the OxyMask, OxySolution Mousse & OxyAqua gel moisturiser plus a lot of sample size products from their new GHK-Cu range. The purple box on the left is the GHK-cu eye gel and the extreme right box is a whitening mud mask, all recommended by 'Nu ren wo zui da'. I admit that I'm quite the facial care junkie but the entire stash which amounted to over 300 bucks was too much for me & absurd as it may sound, I got pretty angry with X for spending his money on me cuz I'm simply the type of girl who prefers to be self-sufficient by earning & spending her own keep. Any gift above $50 to me is too extravagant & I know its sounds mercenary to talk about monetary value when its a present but I somehow feel like its a breach of my principles=/

To assuage the imbalance I'm feeling right now, I think I better go hunt for an appropriate gift for X too.

The cakes looked really yummy!:

I have to say the cakes taste better than their drinks though, cuz I'm sorely disappointed with my Ice Mocha. It had barely a hint of mocha flavor in it & was overall rather bland. I'd still like to try their ice-blends next time anyway=)

Time to shop for last minute presents for my parents & X. I already got my sis a wallet which she's already using but I'm really stumped about what to get for my dad & X.

*sigh* I hope I get some inspiration soon.

You have no idea who much it hurts whenever you tell me the answer is NO.

I can literally feel my heart sinking to my stomach. I try to hold back my tears and tell myself that it's ok & I can wait but I dunno how long I can carry on pretending.

Or maybe it's time to stop pretending.

How I wish I were the girl, the normal type of girl, who can make you say 'yes'.
X and I decided to do something different on Sat, so we went cycling @ Pasir Ris Park.

We rented a tandem bike which I had not ridden in ages, and at the end of our cycling trip I told X that I'm never riding tandem with him ever again. He likes to scare me by riding too fast. *BLEAH*

So basically whatever fats I burned off from cycling & yoga that day, I put it back on right away. No wonder I feel fat. Arghhh. It's seriously time for me to start jogging again.