Just dropping a quick note here since i need to get some early rest for CommunicAsia which starts tmr!!!

The exclamation marks !!! do NOT indicate excitement but rather dread of the next 4 days of 'suffering' to come=/

Freezing my arse off inside the exhibition hall? Check.

8 hours of standing in high heels? Check.

I just need to survive 4 days. Just 4 days. *positive energy*

On a totally random note,

My mid-yr resolutions
-get more exercise!
-control my friggin temper
-be less negative & cynical
-learn to give ppl the benefit of the doubt
-stop walking ard with a blardy chip on my shoulder*

From this list it's pretty obvious that the changes i hope to achieve pertains more to the emotional & psychological than the physical aspects.

I dun really know what. how. when. During a moment of reflection I just realised what a pain i was for the past year with my negativity, cynicism & pessimism towards everything in life. Yet i thought i had learned to let go of past mistakes & moved on when all along i had trapped myself under this dark cloud, unable to trust and regarding those close to me with a suspicious eye.

I'm tired of victimizing myself & making others pay the dues for my previous mistakes. If i continue living like this i dun think i can ever be a happy person. Even worse i'm allowing myself to continue being a victim.

I dun want to be a pathetic victim anymore. I've made mistakes but i paid my dues. I AM MOVING ON TO FIND MY OWN HAPPINESS! Goodbye to u & all ur lies that have held me back. They're not holding me back anymore. Phew.

*It feels much lighter when u let go of all that excess baggage*
I hate working for a**holes.

I walked out on a roadshow after an argument with the so-called 'coordinator' last Sunday & believe me, i did everything with good reason.

I have never ever, in my 4 years of doing events, met a more irresponsible, unreliable cocky piece of sh*t who dares call himself an agent/coordinator who manages talents.

Sms him to confirm the reporting time? NO ANSWER.
Gives inaccurate & misleading information abt the jobscope? Hell yeah.
Defends his own tardiness with totally irrelevant statements? Har har.

EXAMPLE: when i told him that he had given us wrong info abt the job (since we were told it was ushering but in the end we were made to walk ard & approach ppl & give out fliers), he responded sarcastically by saying, 'oh so i shd hv hired flier girls for $7/hr issit?'. NEWSFLASH: The issue here isn't abt what kind of girls u hire for how much ok. U gave a totally inaccurate description of the job we had to do & misled us so dun bullsh*t me & try to defend what was ur fault with irrelevant comments.

EXAMPLE no. 2: I was supposed to work Fri, Sun & Tues but come Sat night by 3am, the idiot still did not bother to update everyone on the reporting time for Sunday's rdshow. Talk abt irresponsibility. I had to call him twice @ 3am before he actually picked up & gave me a confirmation on the timing.

Then during work on Sun, all the girls tried to give out fliers (we wanted to be helpful & help create awareness by giving out their fliers) but we were told not to give out anything at all. The idea apparently, was to approach ppl w/o having anything in our hands cuz "the girls from yesterday had great success with this method". WOW. So i said, 'if they had such success then y aren't the same girls here today?'

Admittedly i could hv been more tactful in raising my opinion but i honestly didn't have any more patience to deal with all these f**king idiocy. All these so-called ideas on how we should do things when we were supposed to be doing ushering. Maybe u ppl need to check the Oxford dictionary on the definition of 'ushering' 1st before u tell us what to do.

In the end i ended up in an argument bcuz the client wasn't happy with my 'attitude' & my coordinator started talking to me abt 'professionalism'. Har har. I simply told him he's the one who's not doing his job in the 1st place & if the client is not happy, i'm more than willing to leave. And as expected he defended himself by telling me 'i have plenty of girls who will want to work for this'. Fine. U know what? I know there r plenty of girls who r willing to work but i'm not willing to put up with ur sh*t for that kind of $$ - which isn't even alot in the 1st place. He had the cheek to tell me that the reason he put me on this job was bcuz i called him @ 3am twice so I feel the need to clarify that i am not badgering u for the job. It was agreed that i would be working Fri, Sun & Tues so i had to seek a confirmation abt what time i would be needed. I dun wanna presume that i wasn't needed just bcuz i didn't get ur sms & then risk having u accuse me of flying ur aeroplane if i didn't turn up on Sun. Get that into ur thick head a**hole!

Amanda Swa doesn't take sh*t from anyone.
Was talking to a fren last nite & he said..'i guess i'm looking for someone who can tahan my shit'. I laughed & told him that everyone's looking for someone like that.

But he said 'No. Some ppl need others to tahan their shit, some ppl r those who clean up other ppl's shit'. I thought 'hey that's actually kinda true'.

So i guess what i'm saying is - i'm the kind who needs somebody who can take my shit.

"I told u before i won't give up unless u give up on me 1st. Since u've chosen to give up, I won't fight ur decision anymore. I can only blame myself for not having better coping mechanisms & not trying harder."
I feel like i've just been slapped.

MY fault for thinking that i could make things work when i obviously do not have what it takes to handle things.

STRESS. WORRY. INSECURITY. HEARTACHE.

I just wanna get away from it all.

On the plane on our way^^:




I know i haven't been blogging at all for like the past 2 weeks BUT i've been sick, busy & tired. First i was sick - had a cold (still having the sniffles actually), then there's work - private event for Dunhill, which is damn tiring cuz there's no break or food at all (WTH!) & so now i'm just super tired. Last day of the event later & i just wanna get it over & done with so i can get abit more rested over this weekend.
I've just loaded the pics of my Taipei family trip onto the comp & i still need to edit them before uploading. Sianz. Photos will have to wait but i realised not alot of photos were taken during this trip & to be honest - the trip wasn't totally enjoyable as well. Somehow going with ur family just aint as much fun i guess, esp mine cuz we had such a big grp (6 of us) & we all wanted to see & do different things=/ I kinda feel like i need a trip of my own. Who would i go with? Where would i go? I dunno. *sigh*
Any helpful suggestion? These r my key considerations:

*Not too expensive (so Europe/Japan r out)
*Can be a R&R place but preferably with some shopping for me to do
*Nearby destinations r preferred
*Safe & clean

I've friends who suggested Bintan but it looked boring when i Googled it. It didn't look like it had any shopping, and those water activities r definitely out for me cuz water is not my element. I can't swim & i basically freak out if i'm like on the sea or something. So if there's anyone with any other suggestions pls let me know!
Been back for a couple days from my Taipei trip...but i've been lazy. Pics coming soon i promise! Meanwhile enjoy Jolin's new song <妥协>.



Observe the lyrics~very sad but meaningful. This song goes out to someone i once knew & loved but if i ever see him again, i'll go the other way & pretend i didn't see him.