"Death is peaceful, easy. Life is harder."

My heart is aching...

Too bad paracetamol can't cure it...

My eyes are so swollen from crying...i can hardly open them.

How i wish to be dead.

But i dun wanna leave my mom behind. I know it would break her heart.

I have to be strong.
I'm seriously feeling crabby these days & maybe it's really hard to find someone who wld understand how i feel. Imagine a brother who does nothing but plays computer games throughout the night, who stays at home with his so-called girlfriend(who also seems to hv nothing better to do) all day, who drops outta school & is just content to spend his time not doing anything at all?

I'm not a judgemental person. I'm really not. I can understand dropping outta sch if he really can't cope. I can understand everyone needs leisure-time. For me its shopping & for him its computer games. I can understand wanting to spend time with ur gf. But what i can't understand is his lack of motivation to do anything abt his life & his goddamn attitude. As if everyone else owes him when we've done our best to help. If i didn't care, i wouldn't bother going to his sch, speaking to his lecturers, drafting various appeal letters to the school director all in the hopes that we could come up with a solution for him to complete his education.

Maybe at 18 he thinks he has the world in his hands. We all know how it feels to be young & foolish. Hell i was that way too but i never underestimated the importance of getting my paper qualifications nor did i ever overestimate myself. I dun comprehend how he could blame everyone else for being 'on his back' & for his predicament. He chose his own path, made his own choice & now he blames everyone for trying to point him in the right direction? Talk abt gratitude. I even got beat up by my dad for being overly-harsh in critiquing my brother which was why i left home for 2 months & yet he acts like he's the victim.

So when i say I can't stand my brother, i dun appreciate comments like 'LOL. Must love ur bro,it's the family thing' cuz its annoying. When u dunno something, just keep quiet.
This is a random show-and-tell of my family's annual gathering @ CCK...
We are gathered bright & early @ the HQ aka my home in Tampines. Me & Emily having a morning chat whilst i'm munching on my McDonald's hashbrown & everyone else is getting ready for a long drive down to CCK later...


We've got a total of 4 vehicles but it was still not enough for 21 of us! So my poor brothers had to be seated like this at the back of the really cramped van. Har har.

It's damn HOTTTtttt at the cemetery...& i have no idea what everyone's laughing at! That's my mom in the center & she wears the same 'gardener' outfit every year so that she won't get a sunburn.
Me in my very unglam 'pose' har har. Seriously the heat got to me & i was just so hot & bothered. I dun even care if the floor's dirty or not.Isaac's pretty bothered by the high temperatures too. Check out the rolled-up sleeves & that somewhat annoyed look on his face! Meanwhile me & my sis hid under the umbrella, which provided little comfort.
What was left of the suckling pig after the prayer session...haha. It's family tradition to devour the offerings:D

*Credits to Emily & Christina for all the photos!
Finally moved back to my own place last Fri & gosh, it's really 'Home Sweet Home'. After almost 2 months of living outta a suitcase & handwashing my own clothes, it's sweet relief to be home where everything u need is all there & i dun have to lift a finger to do any housework at all. Do i sound spoilt? Well whatever cuz I know i can survive out there if i have to, but the person who ought to be suffering shdn't be me cuz this whole issue was my bro's fault to begin with. Yet amidst all of this, he remains unrepentant. *rolls eyes*
I have to thank my aunt & cousins for taking me in during this period, they've been most accommodating towards me so i REALLY appreciate everything!From Top left, clockwise: My aunt, me, Emily, Chris, Desrina & my sis.
Also gotta thank Ben for taking the time to send me home cuz i had a ton of stuff to lug home that day!;p
Then today all of us went to the cemetery for the yearly 'tombsweeping' ritual. The whole thing took like almost 4 hrs & seriously the weather never ever changes each yr. I think everyone got a sunburn except for me - cuz i always tan nicely so in the end i got a tan which i dun even need. Duh. I'm seriously staying outta the sun for the next few months:/
Ending off now. I'm tired & uninspired to write.
'Confessions of a Shopaholic' the movie will probably be postponed til next wk, but i bought the novel @ Popular last weekend & after reading it, i wanna watch the movie even more! Just so i can compare which is better u know. But usually the novel wins, since a movie has to be condensed into a limited time frame & many things just get cut out. I got the book @ only $12+ since there was a 25% discount which is quite a steal cuz novels r usually quite ex these days. I'm a shopaholic myself, but thankfully i have the self-restraint to spend only within my means. I dun even own a debit card, cuz i think it's gonna be very easy to forget where u've spent ur $$ when all u have to do is sign on a lil' piece of paper-_-"

Window shopping can brighten ur mood sometimes! Check out what i saw (actually quite sometime ago) at Bugis Action City:

Looks like the real thing huh? But they're just spongy stress balls so good to see but not to eat!
Speaking of food, it sucks being down with a flu that robs u of ur appetite & makes u wanna puke. Friggin doc i saw gave me medicine that didn't seem to help. Charged me $37 somemore! Arghhhh. I didn't sleep well last night because my stomach felt funny, queasy somehow so i just kept rolling around trying to ease my discomfort which didn't work. *sigh* I'm cancelling my dinner date with Liping tonight cuz i really need to just curl in bed & get some rest. Sorry gal, i'll make it up to u next time.
My current obsession? Recession. Talk to me, or hang out with me for half a day & u'll find that word being mentioned like once every half hour. Hur hur. But it is true that everything has been affected by the economy downtown these days what. Talk abt events/jobs? It's been affected by recession & companies r cutting down on their budget for showgirls. See sales everywhere when u go shopping? It's their way of enticing ppl to buy their stuff. I'm all for shopping & spending during this recession period, since there r plenty of bargains & i see it as my way of boosting the economy.
Went shopping with Xiaowei yesterday after our job ended since we were paid in cash & both of us were feeling pretty 'rich' haha. Bought a pair of casual wedges, cute denim shorts & an off-shoulder top. We couldn't buy alot of stuff cuz it was getting late & all the shops were closing-_-" I also bought comfy cotton shorts from Topshop! Gonna either lounge in them @ home or wear them for jogging which is something i haven't been doing. No wonder i'm gaining weight. Bah.
Also did the IT show last week. Due to the recession(ahem!), the availability of jobs & our rates have been reduced so even though the pay ain't great, i'm telling myself not to be too picky & just make do with what's minimally acceptable. It was for this company called 'Powerpro' which sells this thing called a UPS (Uninterruptible Power Supply)...not exactly very interesting since most ppl visit IT shows to buy laptops and LCD monitors etc. I was super tired by the 3rd & last day, can't be helped cuz it was a minimum of 10 hours work each day & without a proper break cuz the client wanted us to get back to work once we eat up our food in like 10mins.

Our cheesy tagline. And we have to take turns holding the board somemore!Duh.
The coming week will be some R&R time, & hopefully a chance for me to catch 'Confessions of a Shopaholic'! I can probably totally identify with the movie=P
If there's one thing, just one thing, that's to be known abt me - that would be you should never, NEVER, EVER, mess with my sleep.
I'm pretty well-known to be super grumpy in the first few hours out of slumber, & i'm definitely NOT a morning person. U know how some ppl r like super chirpy even @ 7am & they go like 'gd morning!'? I'm not like that. I'm more like the person who scowls, growls & snaps at said kind of ppl in return. Touchy. Hell hath no fury like an princessbiatch rudely awakened from her beauty sleep.
So imagine how blardy pissed off i felt when i was awakened at 10am yesterday to the sounds of hammering and drilling from the renovators next door. On a Sat morning as well. In case anybody reading this doesn't know - ur not supposed to carry out any sorta noise-generating works on a weekend so this F**Ker obviously is an idiot.
I tried to bear with the irritating hammering sounds & tried to bury myself back to sleep but the noise really got to me so i decided to jump outta bed and give hell to the renovators by calling them since their number was stuck on the permit notice on the wall.

(ring ring...)
Idiot renovator: Hello
Me: Hi, i'm calling from Blk **, *** Road, where ur having renovation works on one of the units there?
Idiot renovator: uh-huh..?
Me: I'm calling u at f**king 10.30am bcuz i've just been f**king awakened by ur f**king renovation works on a f**king Saturday morning.

At this point, i thought that idiot would hv the sense to apologise or at the very least, tell me that he would call off the works straightaway. Instead he had the balls to tell me 'We stop at 12pm can? cuz actually we r allowed to carry out works from 9am-12pm on Saturdays.'
YA RIGHT. Then y does the permit stuck on the wall says that NO f**king works r allowed to be carried out on Sat and Sun?!! huh!!! I know ur an idiot but i'm not so dun freaking insult my intelligence. My IQ is intact even if my manners aren't so it doesn't pay to bullsh*t me.

(cont'd)
Me: That's not what the notice says.
Idiot renovator: Oh. Then i will ask them to stop work straight away.
Me: Thank u.

See? He could hv just admitted that he was a moron and stop the renovation in the 1st place but instead he chose to embarrass himself by trying to bullsh*t that they were allowed to carry out their work on a friggin Sat. It's bad enough that they've been continuing their renovation work even after 5pm on weekdays and now they think they can continue to get away with it.

Seriously i wonder. R the existence of such people simply to piss the rest of us off?