It's new year's eve & whilst majority are out in celebration to welcome a new year ahead, I'm sitting in front of my computer quietly contemplating this 2009 which has frankly been quite a treacherous year.

I won't mention any of the unhappiness I went through here but in 2010 I have only one wish - to put those difficulties behind me & just be a better me. I know I've caused alot of worry, pain & grief to those who love me for which I'm ashamed. A lot of blame & accusations have came from me, & I never looked inside myself to find the actual problem that lay within my own heart. A heart that's filled with darkness, stained with pessimism, fear, worry, regret & uncertainty. It is in 2009 that I realised I'm not as strong as I thought I could be, that my fear of loss, loss of control could actually cripple me.

I confronted my fears in 2009, & the greatest challenge in 2010 is to conquer them.

As I calculate all my missteps of the year about to be past, I also realise the one thing that I did get right - Mr. X. Amidst the 'drama' of it all, I'm just so thankful that he's still here.


'There's nothing I could say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me
All the pain the tears they cry
Still you never said goodbye and now I know how far you'd go
I know I let you down but its not like that now
This time I'll never let you go

I will be all that you want and get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make everything ok

I thought that I had everything I didn't know what life could bring
But now I see honestly
You're the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe cause you're here with me
And if I let you down I'll turn it all around
Cause I would never let you go

I will be all that you want and get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make everything ok

Cause without you I can't sleep
I'm not gonna ever ever let you leave
You're all I got
You're all I want
And without you I don't know what I'll do
I could never ever live a day without you
Here with me do you see, you're all I need

And I will be all that you want and get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life I will be with you forever
To get you through the day and make every thing ok'