POSTED ON Saturday, August 29, 2009 AT 11:41 AM \\
Life has to go on with or without Mr. X & true to that, I did whatever i felt i ought to do yesterday. Attending my convocation, then going for a casting at the Arts House, meeting Ron for dinner & coffee & ending with a looong bout of drinks with Tuesday, Dusk & gf.

I was apprehensive abt going out for drinks at 1st, cuz i felt tired & the last thing i want was to drink til i lose my composure & start breaking down or something. But i was glad i did cuz i had fun even though i did air alot of my grievances to all of them during the night out. Thankfully i held my composure the entire night without spilling a single tear. But i'm sorry to say I broke down in front of Ron during dinner @ Crystal Jade, I must have scared the poor guy.

I've collected so much 'feedback' abt my situation these few days - everyone had their own take on what was happening but to be honest, i know nobody else will really understand what goes on in somebody else's r/s. It's my own heart & mind i need to sort out. One thing Dusk, Tuesday and I agreed was clear - I'm a completely different person pre-relationship and 'in-a-relationship'. Tuesday said I'd forgotten the 'rules' I set before I delved into this r/s with X, but it was understandable given the amt of time i'd been with him and simply bcuz women r emotional creatures. In other words, I vowed not to let my emotions overrule yet i gave my heart away.But he also acknowledged that 我是有付出的. I really did put in effort yet unfortunately people seldom recognize the good intentions behind things when the sh*t hits the fan. I guess I'm guilty of that too.

On the journey back home, Tuesday said that X is a good man & I should try to salvage the relationship. He spelled out the exact things that were on my mind. But should i take the chance & risk getting disappointed again should he close the doors on me? *sigh* I think the best option now is to let nature take its course. Love will find a way if it's meant to be.

Ok all the rambling aside, we really did hv alot of fun and here r some pictures to prove it!
Jerilyn, who's such a sweetheart. She spent alot of time listening to my grousing last night. Dusk putting on his 'skinny' face & me trying to make him look gd by making myself look like a pufferfish.
-_-'' I look pretty stoned in this one, esp since i turn red so easily.
The happy couple. I reminded Dusk to cherish the relationship. I dun want him to be like me cuz i didn't realise how lucky I was til I lost a good thing.

In my somewhat intoxicated state I'd asked jerilyn how she managed to regain her trust in Dusk after he lied to her (i'm not revealing details here. it'd be unethical) & she said there'll always be a doubt no matter what. But she manages not to question the doubts or something like that. Matters of the heart are really hard to explain. For me, i chose to let those niggling doubts fester & in the end i became filled with insecurity & paranoia cuz i'm a goddamn cynic. *sigh*

I'm truly remorseful but there's nothing i can do. I've added a new word in my dictionary for the 1st time - regret. Is there really no more hope?