I feel calmer today, compared to the previous 48hrs of emotional upheaval. I still think of him constantly, & i even sent him an mms today showing my convocation ceremony and telling him how i wished he could be here. But of course, there was no reply. I didn't expect any in the 1st place.

Perhaps my heart has slowly grown numb to that pain of being abandoned & disappointed. I haven't spilled a single tear since i woke up today, which hopefully means i'm getting better. The medication also helped me sleep, so nightfall doesn't seem so scary or lonely.

I'm disappointed & a little angry at him. Whilst i admit i was largely at fault for many things, it doesn't however mean that he is blameless. Yet instead of facing up to his mistakes & taking responsibility, he took the easy way out and chose to leave me.

Pls do not think i'm strong so it's ok to hurt me. Everyone sees this bitchy, feisty, fierce side of me so they think i'm immune to pain. Mr. X saw for himself what a wreck i was when i was hospitalised 2 yrs ago but ironically, he's hurting me the same way now.

He called me yesterday after i sent a few sms-es to him & he said we can talk when he's back but honestly i dun want to talk if all he wants is to tell me his decision is final. I dun need another blow.

All i can say is - i still love him strongly despite all the sh*t. I will try to win him back by adopting necessary corrective action esp with regards to my temper. That's abt it. If he thinks he's done with it & will nvr accept me again, then it's his choice & honestly, his loss.