My head hurts...

I've been having a headache at around this time for the past few days...

What's wrong with me???

Can't help but feel this has been a gawddawwwful year for me, & we're not even halfway thru 2009 yet.

I've got a whole assortment of paracetamol, ponstan, various antibiotics - thanks to all the doctors who've charged me an exorbitant sum for the meds=/

My mom even made me take a flu vaccine, partly due to the swine flu (as if it helps!) & partly cuz she insists i need it cuz of my weak immune system.


I need my holiday. Countdown: 10 days!
Life seems depressing these days.

I haven't been sleeping well the past few nights cuz I keep getting these irrational dreams & when I finally drift back to sleep after being jolted awake by one stupid dream, my subconscious starts running wild again.Sometimes I get like 3 different dreams that totally doesn't make any sense at all.

*sigh*

Perhaps my brain is just too active sometimes.

One thing I'm looking forward to: a holiday in 2 weeks time. Finally.


How i wish u could take me away with u.

I dun wanna be left behind. I dun wanna be left waiting.

Everytime u go i get so scared.

I dunno if u'll come back.
Sometimes spiteful words said in a moment of anger can do so much to push someone over the edge...

Sometimes 'sorry' does not undo the damage that's already been done.

I'm learning not to hold any expectations from now on cuz i can't afford any more disappointments.

I need an escape.
"Death is peaceful, easy. Life is harder."

My heart is aching...

Too bad paracetamol can't cure it...

My eyes are so swollen from crying...i can hardly open them.

How i wish to be dead.

But i dun wanna leave my mom behind. I know it would break her heart.

I have to be strong.
I'm seriously feeling crabby these days & maybe it's really hard to find someone who wld understand how i feel. Imagine a brother who does nothing but plays computer games throughout the night, who stays at home with his so-called girlfriend(who also seems to hv nothing better to do) all day, who drops outta school & is just content to spend his time not doing anything at all?

I'm not a judgemental person. I'm really not. I can understand dropping outta sch if he really can't cope. I can understand everyone needs leisure-time. For me its shopping & for him its computer games. I can understand wanting to spend time with ur gf. But what i can't understand is his lack of motivation to do anything abt his life & his goddamn attitude. As if everyone else owes him when we've done our best to help. If i didn't care, i wouldn't bother going to his sch, speaking to his lecturers, drafting various appeal letters to the school director all in the hopes that we could come up with a solution for him to complete his education.

Maybe at 18 he thinks he has the world in his hands. We all know how it feels to be young & foolish. Hell i was that way too but i never underestimated the importance of getting my paper qualifications nor did i ever overestimate myself. I dun comprehend how he could blame everyone else for being 'on his back' & for his predicament. He chose his own path, made his own choice & now he blames everyone for trying to point him in the right direction? Talk abt gratitude. I even got beat up by my dad for being overly-harsh in critiquing my brother which was why i left home for 2 months & yet he acts like he's the victim.

So when i say I can't stand my brother, i dun appreciate comments like 'LOL. Must love ur bro,it's the family thing' cuz its annoying. When u dunno something, just keep quiet.
This is a random show-and-tell of my family's annual gathering @ CCK...
We are gathered bright & early @ the HQ aka my home in Tampines. Me & Emily having a morning chat whilst i'm munching on my McDonald's hashbrown & everyone else is getting ready for a long drive down to CCK later...


We've got a total of 4 vehicles but it was still not enough for 21 of us! So my poor brothers had to be seated like this at the back of the really cramped van. Har har.

It's damn HOTTTtttt at the cemetery...& i have no idea what everyone's laughing at! That's my mom in the center & she wears the same 'gardener' outfit every year so that she won't get a sunburn.
Me in my very unglam 'pose' har har. Seriously the heat got to me & i was just so hot & bothered. I dun even care if the floor's dirty or not.Isaac's pretty bothered by the high temperatures too. Check out the rolled-up sleeves & that somewhat annoyed look on his face! Meanwhile me & my sis hid under the umbrella, which provided little comfort.
What was left of the suckling pig after the prayer session...haha. It's family tradition to devour the offerings:D

*Credits to Emily & Christina for all the photos!
Finally moved back to my own place last Fri & gosh, it's really 'Home Sweet Home'. After almost 2 months of living outta a suitcase & handwashing my own clothes, it's sweet relief to be home where everything u need is all there & i dun have to lift a finger to do any housework at all. Do i sound spoilt? Well whatever cuz I know i can survive out there if i have to, but the person who ought to be suffering shdn't be me cuz this whole issue was my bro's fault to begin with. Yet amidst all of this, he remains unrepentant. *rolls eyes*
I have to thank my aunt & cousins for taking me in during this period, they've been most accommodating towards me so i REALLY appreciate everything!From Top left, clockwise: My aunt, me, Emily, Chris, Desrina & my sis.
Also gotta thank Ben for taking the time to send me home cuz i had a ton of stuff to lug home that day!;p
Then today all of us went to the cemetery for the yearly 'tombsweeping' ritual. The whole thing took like almost 4 hrs & seriously the weather never ever changes each yr. I think everyone got a sunburn except for me - cuz i always tan nicely so in the end i got a tan which i dun even need. Duh. I'm seriously staying outta the sun for the next few months:/
Ending off now. I'm tired & uninspired to write.