POSTED ON Wednesday, October 22, 2008 AT 2:48 AM \\
Just came back from the chalet & it did turn out pretty well after all, despite the fact that only Winnie & i went. We had a great time gossiping & bitching with Candice as well as Vanessa (who came later @ abt 10pm) and before we knew it, it was already 1am & we almost didn’t want to leave. We had to cuz Vanessa had sch + presentation in the morning the next day.There was also a magician at the chalet & he obviously entertained us with alot of tricks. If not for him the chalet might have been a lil’ boring & i admit his tricks were pretty good cuz try as i might, i just can’t SEE how he did it He ended his ‘performance’ at ard 10pm and that was when Winnie, Candice and me started talking away, and Vanessa who joined us later when she came.
We talked abt our jobs, the hazards of getting stalked by weird ‘fans’, we talked abt fortune telling & horoscopes, we talked abt men and our relationship issues & alot of other stuff that i can’t list them all here…but everytime i tell ppl MY story, MY experience, i feel almost like i’m reliving a nightmare, like i’m digging open my old wounds and making myself vulnerable again.
I dun want to sound like a sad case here, but nobody can really know how bad it was. Maybe to other ppl it’s just a relationship that turned sour, it’s not as if someone died or something, but i did feel that something died that day. A part of me really really died. Everytime i relate my experience i get teared up and choked up and the pain i went thru would well up in me again. I can still remember the details so clearly, each word that i said and he said, every moment he disappointed me again and again until i finally come to realise that HE will never change and i have to learn to let go. I showed them the faint physical scars that remained and it felt like the emotional scars hadn’t quite gone away too.
He turned me into a jaded cynic who can never afford her trust & faith in anything anymore. I know i was the one who misplaced my love & faith on someone who can never reciprocate even a little so this is a lesson he taught me and in a twisted way, i guess maybe i shd thank him for teaching me a life lesson i’ll never forget. After all, what doesn’t kill u is supposed to make u stronger right?
*Because of u i never stray too far from the sidewalk, because of u i learn to play on the safe side so i dun get hurt. Because of u i try my hardest just to forget everything, because of u i dunno how to let anyone else in. Because of u i’m ashamed of my life because it’s empty, because of u i am afraid…because of u*
