Love and other drugs
POSTED ON Friday, July 26, 2013 AT 2:07 AM \\
Came across this quote that someone posted on FB recently...

'He's not perfect. You aren't either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn't going quote poetry, he's not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don't hurt him, don't change him, and don't expect for more than he can give. Don't analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he's not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don't exist, but there's always one guy that is perfect for you.' - Bob Marley.

When I read the quote I was touched because it really spoke to me. I'm often guilty of having high expectations in a relationship despite the fact that I've already been with X for 5 years. It's like I know he's not a romantic, yet I still complain sometimes that he's doesn't do romantic things. I know he ain't good at expressing himself, yet I choose to get angry when he says the wrong things. Most people have a 'benchmark' when looking for a partner, and let's face it - there is no 100%. There's no perfection, just like the quote says. Most of us are lucky if we could find someone with 80% of the attributes we want and I think I hit the jackpot with X. He's probably close to 90% and yet I'm still constantly nitpicking on the 10% that is missing. I guess this is what you call 生在福中不知福.

I got upset with him today because I had his iPad with me and I saw that his browsing history had this link to a dubious massage call-girl service in China. (He was just in China few days ago.) And me being me, I chose to get all paranoid and upset because of my own insecurities. He explained that the link just popped up so he simply clicked on it out of curiosity and I didn't believe him. Honestly a small part of me wanted to - because we've been together for so long and I know he's not that kind of person. But how many times have you heard heartbroken women say things like 'I never thought he would do this me' or 'I thought I knew what kind of person he was'??? I don't want to be duped like a 3 year old kid. I argued with him over whatsapp (I'm overseas at the moment.), refused to take his phone calls, and basically accused him of lying and cheating.

I'm not really ashamed of my behavior because I believe most girls in my shoes would have reacted the same way. I don't really care if people want to say I'm being overly suspicious and paranoid etc. I do admit that I have a lot of insecurities about myself plus the fact that X and I do not spend too much time together just makes it harder for me to trust him.

My point is - this time it was a storm in a teacup. I let this incident slide because I believe him THIS time. I still love the boy dearly and accept that he isn't perfect. I recall what we've gone through these past 5 years together and how he fought to stay with me through thick and thin. He is indeed a man that makes me laugh and cry, but has also taught me lessons in life. But nonetheless, I will not let my guard down because this is my way of protecting myself. In the same way that he has given a part of him that I could break, I have also given him my entire heart that he could easily smash to smithereens as well. I don't take things like that lightly.

Sorry for this lengthy emo post - I'm not in SG at the moment and I'm not great at blogging on the iPad. Will try and come back with a more interesting update soon!


Staycation updates and random bits of life
POSTED ON Friday, July 19, 2013 AT 2:40 PM \\
TGIF everybody!!!

As you guys might not be aware, I've had my wisdom tooth removed last week so I was out on medical leave for a whole week. I might as well take this chance to fill you in on my staycation with X and some other random bits!

X and I were on leave together earlier this month and he gave me the go-ahead to book a different hotel this time because I wanted to try a different place. We've always frequented Gallery hotel for our staycations but this time I wanted to try Studio M (which is just next to Gallery) as I've heard about it's loft concept and it seems really cool!

So this is just one pic that I took, from the loft above.

The loft above has a sofa bed and a table for your computer etc. So when you look down from above you see our bed, as pictured here. I really love this loft concept with the high ceilings and full glass windows...makes the place seem really cozy and breezy and comfortable.

I also have to rave about their pool area! I didn't take any pictures, and the pool is nothing to shout about but the lounge deck was so beautifully decorated. It even has a few individual cabanas where you can totally just sit back and chill with a glass of wine! Perfect for people like me who actually prefers to stay in the shade. We totally didn't know the pool area was so awesome cuz X was not interested in checking out the pool til the second night. By then, it was kinda too late already.=/ I didn't bring my bikini anyway.

If  I had to nitpick, I would say the one thing I didn't like about the hotel was the bed. It was way too soft for my back and both X and I woke up with backaches.

After checking in, we went to Toby's Estate nearby for coffee and sandwiches!

My mocha. Coffee here is really good. If I remember correctly, I had the egg mayo+smoked salmon croissant which was not too bad but pretty overpriced. I'm also not the kind of person who likes brunch food because I don't consider it a proper satisfying meal.

Lighting next to the full glass window in our room was great for camwhoring!




I really enjoy staying around the Robertson Quay area as there are lots of restaurants and cafes around to explore. There's also my favorite Miharu ramen joint located conveniently within Gallery Hotel. IMO, they have the best ramen in Singapore!

I also met up with Liping this week despite my swollen face from the wisdom tooth surgery.


We went for foot reflexology at Natureland (also at Robertson Quay) and let me tell you, this is the most f**king painful massage I've ever done in my entire life. We took the 40 min foot + 20 min neck and shoulder massage and the 20 mins of neck/shoulder massage was so painful yet so SHIOK at the same time. I was yelping in pain during the process when he was pressing the accupoints but I came out feeling quite invigorated. No pain no gain they always say!

Went to Benjamin Brown's Bistro and Bakery at the Forum for any early dinner and this place was a surprise find as the food turned out to be really good.

My soup of the day, Pumpkin soup.

So rich and creamy and that thin slice of garlic bread was so good. It was really crisp and I finished it in like 5 seconds maybe? I usually don't finish any bread that comes with my soup so this really says something about the bread haha!

I devoured my main course the moment it came so sorry, no pictures! I had the crab meat linguine with vodka arrabiata sauce in case you're interested. This is one place I'm definitely going back to for its food.

After that we took a short walk to help digest our heavy dinner... lots of sales along Orchard Road. I totally forgot about GSS! Bought a white skater dress and a light wash denim shirt from H&M, the shirt was only $39.90? I remember paying about $75 for my American Eagle denim shirt so this is definitely damn cheap in comparison. I'll try to do more ootd photos in future but X is just terrible at taking them LOL.

And introducing another coffee joint that serves awesome coffee! None other than Chye Seng Huat Hardware. In case you're not familiar and wondering why I'm talking about a ching-chong place that sells hardware...this really is a bona-fide cafe. I guess the name just lends an old-school vibe to it.




The menu is quite limited in terms of food so I settled for the french toast with bananas eventually. I was kinda grumpy when I reached the place initally, and when I looked at the menu I was even more annoyed because remember I've mentioned that I'm not a brunch food sorta person??? But their french toast was very tasty lah, I was quite happy after eating it! =)

That sums up life for the past 2 weeks for me, it's been so blissful not having to work and just doing
whatever I want and getting enough sleep. Unfortunately it's back to reality tomorrow and I've already told myself to stay strong. I remind myself of the future I'm working towards, and knowing X is always there for me will give me the strength I need to carry on. No matter how weary I am.

Gambatte!



Thoughts.
POSTED ON Tuesday, July 16, 2013 AT 1:46 AM \\
What I'm about to share is something rather personal.

I've had some kind of minor emotional setback recently. I've been starting to question what I'm doing and my sense of fulfillment has been more than lacking as well. All these doubts started at the back of my head, and they just kinda stayed there until my mood swings hit and I would start complaining every once too often. A recent disappointment simply opened up a can of worms.

I apologize for being so vague, because there are certain things which I can't say on this blog. I'm not allowed to.

Anyway I've been quite a pain to be around because of this and it was only until a recent dinner with my extended family that made me realize that I'm in fact, way luckier than I thought I was.

My paternal aunt was born a deaf-mute and because of circumstances back then, she wasn't given a chance at education. Due to her lack of any qualifications and also her disability, she could only do menial/labour jobs.

After dinner, I did a lot of thinking. My constant complaints about how tired I feel and how I hate my life suddenly seemed really childish and insignificant. Our parents' generation suffered and slogged so much more than I did. Take my aunt for example - she probably had to deal with all sorts of discrimination and hardship in her lifetime and yet here I am, kicking a fuss about my backaches and not getting enough sleep blah blah blah.

My dad too, has worked hard to give my siblings and I the lives that we have now. My family was pretty broke when I was a kid, we couldn't even afford diapers and my sister and I had to sleep in the living room. Then slowly, bit by bit, through my parents' hard work, things got better and better. We shifted to a bigger house, and could afford treats like Mcdonalds. My dad is still working til now and hasn't retired yet.

On the other hand, I've only been working for the past 3 years in my first full-time job and I'm already acting like I deserve some sort of long service award. Compared to my parents and my aunt who have slogged an entire lifetime, I don't think I'm in a position to complain about anything.

I know you have to work for the things you want, and that nothing in life is free. Nobody ever said that life is fair or easy, and that we need to be content with what we have. Sometimes no matter how many times I tell myself that, it's still hard to chase those blues away. It's not something that an inspirational quote can solve.

Today I have my aunt to thank for reminding me that I am indeed a very lucky girl. I have a family that is strong though sometimes dysfunctional, I have the most loving husband in the world who takes my sh*t and still sticks around and friends who would look out for me. I'll also have a place of my own next year! That's something that I really wanted and something X and I worked really hard for. We should be proud and I am truly blessed.=)

Seoul/San Francisco + Updates
POSTED ON Sunday, May 26, 2013 AT 3:15 PM \\
I'm finally back with some updates and alot of these are so backdated that I don't even know where to start!

I'll just let the pics do most of the talking.

First up was my trip to Seoul and San Francisco with X last month! Snapped a photo of the cherry blossoms we saw on the way to the hotel. So pretty! You don't just have to go to Japan to see sakura ok?
First meal in Seoul. These are just the appetizers. I'm always happy in Seoul because I can always nibble on these whenever I'm really hungry and the food (main course) is not ready yet. My favorite is something that resembles fishcake but they didn't serve that at this particular restaurant.=/
 Went to the supermarket and bought my favorite banana milk.=) This is awesome, a must-try!
 We also had my absolute must-eat in Seoul. It's called 'Jim-dak' - not sure if that's the correct spelling but that's how we pronounce it. This eatery is in the popular Myeong Dong district. I like that the chicken is tender and boneless, the sauce is sweet yet slightly spicy and it comes with this really QQ vermicelli! Our portion costs about SGD30, but it's so huge that it's enough for 2-3 people.

Then it was off to San Francisco. Woke up really early for seafood at this really popular joint, 'Swan Oyster Depot'. I know it's strange to have seafood this early, but we wanted to avoid the long queue.
 Our crab salad. It's really fresh. We had the clam chowder, raw scallop and a few other dishes which I can't remember! Didn't take many pictures here because I wasn't feeling very well.

Then it was off to do some shopping. I always stock up on my nail products here...its SO much cheaper!


The Vitagel nail strengthener was only USD15, and I've seen it retailing at $88 here in SG. The boss of this nail/beauty supply wholesaler is really nice too, always throwing in freebies whenever I'm there. The 2 bottles of Gelish cuticle oil was FOC from him!

Bought the Josie Maran Argan Creamy Oil Cleansing Treatment from Sephora. I don't think this product is available here though. I've been reading a lot about the benefits of argan oil and there were quite a few raves about this product so I decided to give this a try. In the end I kinda gave up on using it because you have to use the muslim cloth that comes with it...found it a bit troublesome haha.

At the end of the trip my bag was a mess. *bleah* Hate packing up.



 Was glad for a chance to spend time with X because I got to share certain things I like with him and vice versa. He also accompanied me for late night shopping at Dongdaemon where he waited til almost 3am without any complaints! Thank you for your patience love.=)

Went to check out Coriander for dinner at East Coast when we were back in SG.



The escargot was highly recommended but I found it lacklustre. To be fair I prefer a stronger garlic taste so it could just be me. The chilli crab pasta was really nice, was a bit too spicy for me halfway through so I passed it on to X to finish it for me LOL. I will definitely like to come back and try their butter crab pasta next time!

I also present to you my latest craze...

Pandora bracelet from X. I cannot emphasize how much I love my bracelet. X didn't really find it pretty at first, but now he grudgingly agrees that it looks quite nice. Of course by now I've added quite a few more charms to my collection, so more on that next time. It is pricy though, since just that bracelet with 3 little charms already cost like S$300? Plus the other charms that I've added on, the total damage on my wrist is around $600 now.-_-"

That's all for today! More updates next time....Ciao^^

10 things I hate about ME
POSTED ON Monday, April 29, 2013 AT 4:08 AM \\
Sorry for the lack of updates again:/. I will be back soon with a post on my trip to Seoul with X! There won't be many pictures but I will definitely share some useful travel information so stay tuned!

Meanwhile I shall fill up this space with some random tidbits about myself...

10 things I hate about ME:

1) My lousy temper. I think everyone, including my readers know that I have a bad temper and it's not something I'm proud of. I fly off the handle easily and I say/do a lot of hurtful stuff to people around me whenever that happens. I've been trying to change, I've toned down a lot these past 2 years and I hope I can be even better. I won't ever be the docile, sweet sorta girl but I really will try to be a calmer person.

2) My love for procrastination.

3) My ugly fingernails. They're weak and brittle and break easily.

4) My eyebags. Due to my irregular hours at work I have permanent eyebags and dark eye circles. Concealer is my best friend.

5) My lack of talent in art and music. I can't even doodle. FML.

6) My safe choices in the fashion department. I envy those people who can pull off colors like bright coral, cobalt blue, neon pink and green but I'll stick to black, white and pink thank you very much.

7) My insecurities. I never ever feel that I'm good enough, especially for X. He's smart and kind and nice and he deserves better. I also worry that we don't have enough common interests, and that he may one day find me boring.

8) My terrible posture which has led to scoliosis. That means a curved spine. It's not life threatening, but it's one more imperfection and some degree of backache that I will have to live with.

9) My inability to trust. It's somewhat linked to no.7, but it's also caused by some bad experience in my past relationships with men. I wish I could learn to give my trust wholeheartedly to X but I just can't. My past experience has shaped my belief that men cannot be trusted and I need to protect myself just in case. Because people change and so do feelings.

10) My fear of bugs. I have an insane fear of bugs, big or small. Dragonflies are the worst. I freak out big time and scream like a lunatic even in public whenever I see them. Super unglam LOL.

Ok that's it. Goodbye!

My biggest hobby in life
POSTED ON Sunday, March 24, 2013 AT 3:34 AM \\
Today I shall talk about my favorite hobby which is........SHOPPING!

I know I must sound like a mountain tortoise but today my sister introduced me to qoo10.com and OMG, I nearly went crazy with the amount of stuff they had for sale!

Qoo10.com was formerly known as gmarket and they've been around for ages. I might have heard of it before but never really got down to browsing through their site as I'm aware that some waiting time is involved because of shipping etc and I'm just the really impatient type! Now I realized what I've been missing all along!

Anyway I managed to get 7 items for under S$100! Here's what I bought:

1) It's skin Babyface Finish Beam in Pink

2) It's skin Babyface Petit Pact

3) It's skin Babyface Pore Powder

4) It's skin Babyface Petit Blusher in Pink


5) 2-in-1 Hair straightener/curler

6) Petitfee Gold EGF face mask


7) Petitfee Gold EGF eye and spot patch


Isn't it such a good deal? 7 items for less than 100 bucks!!! For the curious, the it's skin cosmetics cost about S$7 each, whilst the hair curler/straightener was about $22 (not inclusive of $3.80 delivery charge). I've been looking for a hair curler recently and this is so afforable and in such a pretty pink color as well. Reviews about the product were all quite positive so I think it should be a rather good buy. All in all I'm just super excited and can't wait for the products to arrive at my doorstep!

I've been in a bad mood and retail therapy is just what I need! =) So what are you waiting for? Shop to your heart's content at q0010.com now! 


Another random wordy update.
POSTED ON Friday, March 15, 2013 AT 2:04 AM \\
Hi! Feeling kinda bored so I've decided to come fill this space with some nonsense/random updates.

Day 3 in Moscow now and my stomach is feeling much much better. Had a kaya bun and milo on my first day here, then I had 2 kaya buns and a milo the next day and today I actually ate some room service. Happy to say that I kept all my food down, though it was with much difficulty cuz my body kept fighting it. I would take a few nibbles then stop, because my body was threatening to regurgitate the food I've eaten.

However I'm all better now, so much so that I thought I could indulge in a chocolate milkshake. I was wrong. To be honest I wanted to have a milkshake because I was feeling REALLY DOWN IN THE DUMPS. I know right, like again?! 'Amanda when will you start growing up and learn to let go?' Sorry it just doesn't work that way for me. X has been very patient with me but even I can tell that his patience is being severely tested. He told me 'ok you've been maligned. It's unfair. GET OVER IT.' I was bawling my eyes out as I read his message. Don't get me wrong, it's not him being harsh or un-empathetic because he was merely pointing out the truth. That I had to learn to deal with it and not let such petty people/ insignificant things get to me and spoil my otherwise not-too-bad life. Plus it's been like almost a week now and I know I must sound like a broken record constantly harping on the same subject over and over again.

I felt horrible at that moment because I was hundreds of miles away from Singapore and I wanted nothing more than to curl myself up in X's arms and just cry myself to sleep. The comfort and warmth I was desperate for is literally unattainable and I couldn't even FaceTime with my husband because he had unwired his router due to a problem with his home PC. #FML. X is seriously concerned about my emotional state of mind now and he's aware of how affected I am over this matter. It's like a dark cloud following me everywhere and I can't shake it off. I'm letting it take over my life in a very unhealthy manner by constantly dwelling on it. I could be okay for a few hours and then suddenly the angst just takes over without warning. He even advised me to seek some counseling because I can't seem to let go. Suddenly I'm the one with a problem when it's some stupid f**king bitch who started it by writing in a false complaint about me? I know X means well, but I don't need counseling. What I need, is revenge. And don't tell me success is the best revenge, because that's not true. REVENGE IS THE BEST REVENGE.

Anyway I did some research on this and it's disheartening to know that Singapore has no legislation on workplace bullying. So meaning what? Your boss can just accuse you of some wrongdoing, wreak havoc on your life and just get away with it? I know WTF right. Dead end. I can't sue that bitch.

Let's move on from the negatively depressing to something more positive instead. Many friends, people whom I didn't even think cared, actually bothered to contact me and give me words of encouragement. It made me really touched. I'm not a warm, friendly sociable type of person by nature and I'm happy that people cared enough to show their support for me. Eternal gratitude guys, really. I'm also thankful for my great husband, because despite all the shit I'd put him through, all the lack of appreciation for everything he's done for me, he's still sticking around. I know this bitch must be so bitter because her husband probably doesn even give a shit about her, that's probably why she tries to make other people's lives miserable. I will not let you have the pleasure of succeeding muahaha!

To X - 'It seems like I'm pushing you away everytime some shit happens. But I'm not. I need you more than anything but I guess a lot of my anger got in the way. I'm sorry, I know I've made a mess of things and got you really worried about me. I've always been the immature and impulsive one, and you, you hold me down like an anchor holding down a ship. I don't even know what I'll do without you. Once again, I'm sorry and I love you.'